Friday, February 12, 2010

Literary Valentines

For those of you who haven't yet gotten a gift for that "special someone" and are also less-than-confident about the "Great Loves of Literature" collection, rest assured that you have plenty of time to start panicking. 

Never fear, however!  Your faithful blogger, Lindsay-with-an-A, has compiled a list of free literary Valentines ideas for those of you who have sweeties who are literate. 

Write your own romance novel starring you and your sweetie:
  1. Decide on a setting.
  2. Write the novel.
  3. (There are other options for those of you who don't have the time to write an entire novel, but it might take some time for it to be shipped.)
Star in a classic romance novel:
  1. Decide which classic romance novel to use. 
  2. Go to The Online Books Page and search for the previously chosen novel.
  3. After pasting the entire novel into a word processing document, perform a "Search and Replace" with your name as the hero/heroine and your sweetie's name as the opposite.  Pay attention to nicknames throughout, as well.
  4. Print the new version of the classic romance novel.
Write your own romantic poetry:
  1. Since we can't all be John Donne, I'd suggest you stick to well-meaning but entirely cliche poetry and appeal to your sweetie's sense of humor.  A list of such cliches include anything ever written in an N'Sync song.
  2. Stay away from rhyme schemes.  Trust me on this one.
Buy your sweetie a book:
  1. You could even go so far as to highlight all the sex scenes, if you wanted.
  2. ...yeah, that's all I got.

2 comments:

Homero said...

Buy your sweetie a book:
You could even go so far as to highlight all the sex scenes, if you wanted.
...yeah, that's all I got.

Really? Is that what you're hoping for? You need to be stopped!

Lindsay-with-an-A said...

Haha, no, but I think it would be hilarious. "Here, honey, I bought you a book and underlined all the kinky stuff. ... so, are you going to take your pants off, or what?"

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