For those of you on Twitter, I just stumbled across a hilarious tweeter (am I even using that properly? My cultural ignorance is showing) that you should check out. Even you non-tweeters should peruse the Twitter account of Dr. Samuel Johnson. It includes such definitions as:
- Stability (n.) most desirous Form of Govt., a Polity built 'pon twin Pillars of benevolent Monarchy & Tear-Gas.
- Valentine (n.) Patron-Saint of avaricious Florists & the MAWKISH: his Feast mark'd by Consumption of pinkish Victuals
- Superbowl (n.) gaudy Parade of Merchants hawking their Wares, occasionally disturb'd by thrown PIG-SKIN
as well as general observations such as:
- Perusing the Twitterment of Mister Charles SHEEN is the verbal Equivalent to prodding a Hornet's Nest with one's MEMBRUM
- The Puritans wishing to bowdlerise Huckleberry FINN should also remove Mister TWAIN'S endless Dirge 'pon FENCE-PAINTING
- I find neither Books nor Wenches at this Conference-Centre, yet I may have my Britches press'd in four-and-twenty Hours.
Damn you, Samuel Johnson! I swore I'd never return to Twitter!
Luckily, the man behind the tweets has a book you can purchase if you, like me, have forsaken your Twitter account for all time.